n i c o c . o

* n i c o c . o: May 2015

Sunday, May 31, 2015

Five Things You Experience When You're Actually Awkward

There seems to be four categories of awkward people:

1. The really awkward people who are desperately trying to be normal 
2. The awkward people who like it and try to be more awkward which results in seeming actually weird in a bad way
3. The awkward people who accept that this is the way it will be but try to be socially acceptable 
4. People who in reality are not so awkward, yet think it's cool to brag about being awkward but in reality they don't even know the half of it

Most social awkwardness comes from anxiety of social situations and overthinking, and personally, I think I'm the third type of awkward, but I used to be the first type. This post is for the really socially awkward people.

From my experience, here are some things that happen when you're actually awkward.

1. When talking with people, you become extremely aware of your body. 
And as a result you get a headache from staying in an uncomfortable position for too long because you weren't sure if it would look weird if you moved positions, and you had to really rethink about what the person was saying because you spent the entire conversation figuring out how much eye contact was necessary. 

2. You trip over air on a daily basis. 
And you never know how to play it off. And even when you're consciously trying to avoid tripping, you trip anyway. 

3. You say things that don't make any sense to other people and you try to correct it but it keeps getting worse. 
And it's usually first impressions or someone you don't know that well, which makes it awkward to try to correct yourself. 

4. You had fears of ordering at Subway before or still do. 
There's just too much conversation required to order the freaking sandwich. And I never hear what they asked me. Which makes them annoyed when I ask them to repeat what they said, especially if I don't hear it again. 

5. You have to consciously train yourself to have a confident poise. 
Because otherwise you look like you're always apologizing for your existence or you're trying to hide. In public, you're normally standing with shoulders up in a tense position, head faced downward and you are very self conscious about everything from your hair to your outfit. This results in having to retrain the way you stand, walk and speak in public. 

There are so many other things that awkward people face on a daily basis. Everyone faces these things from time to time, but honestly it's how you react to the situation. Everyone's a little bit awkward. And I think awkward people like being reminded that's it's not just them. 

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Friday, May 29, 2015


The sunrise is a rare thing to see if you're like me: a complete night owl. But when the owl is forced to wake early, sometimes the result is seeing the beauty of the world otherwise never seen. 

When I drive into the sunrise, I see its colors blending and fading into the smoggy city buildings and it reminds me of the memories I had only in my mind as a child. 

It's the healthy blur between reality and what only exists in my head. That's the best way to describe the sunrise. It's real and happening, yet its beauty is rare and  only usually associated with certain feelings. 

Feelings that remind us that there's always the new opportunity to start over. 

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Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Waking Early

So due to scheduling, I've had to wake up at 4:30 - 5 am everyday this week. I thought by now it would have changed the way my internal clock works. 

But seriously. Now I'm just tired all the time. Especially after dinner. Just deathly tired. 

How do people get used to this? Seriously??

We try to go to bed earlier to compensate, but it doesn't make it any easier to wake up in the morning. 

I just hope either the schedule will change, or I can become adjusted because this is terrible. 😅

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Tuesday, May 26, 2015


One thing I think is important to maintain throughout a woman's life is her ability to look out together on a daily basis. A woman should strive to make everywhere she goes a special occasion. It builds confidence, and you're covered if you run into any important faces on your trip to the grocery store. 

The vitals are good skin, natural make up, and basic or accent pieces to wear. 

Good skin is so hard to achieve, and I'm still struggling now with it. It's a never ending battle for people with hormonal imbalances. Because of the complexity of this subject, I'm going to leave this for a later topic. 

Make up is a huge debate, but I do believe it is great enhancer that every woman should at least learn. My personal opinion on make up is to only wear what will enhance you in a natural looking way. For example, foundation, blush or bronzer and highlighter is enhancing in a natural way, eyeshadow is usually not. It's good to play around with red lips, green eye shadows etc., but not as an everyday look. (EDIT: if you dress up in such a way that requires this make up, of course it is appropriate to wear. Maybe just not if you're wearing workout clothes, etc. )

Another thing I've learned is to not just automatically go for the clothes that are cheap. Cheap and many are not as useful as less but higher quality. Instead of buying five poorly made camisoles on sale at Body Central, buy one really good neutral camisole from Calvin Klein and take really good care of it. This way you have less to worry about and something that can look good with anything you wear. 

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Monday, May 25, 2015

Almost Summer

Summer is just around the corner and I'm so happy I can stop wearing pants now. 

Every time wear this dress, I feel free. The flowy skirt is perfect for warmer weather. 

Lately I've also been really into curling/waving my hair. I twist it into a bun before I sleep and I wake up with curls. 

I'm not sure what this summer has in store, but I do know that this is the last summer here before we move. 

OOTD: Dress from Dina Be, clutch from Coach, shoes from yard sale 

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Sunday, May 24, 2015


It's been more and more apparent to me that if I want my brain to function properly without so many distractions, I need to discard the items that I do not need. Environment plays a huge part in your life. If your living space is cluttered, your mind will be racing instead of having a relaxing time in your home. 

But it's so hard to just actually get around to doing it, right?

I've been reading a book called The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by a Japanese-American author, Marie Kondo. In the book there are two main secrets for keeping a minimalist lifestyle: 1.) Keep only what you love and 2.) cleaning should be an event, not an everyday chore. 

I decided to start discarding things I do not love because if we are actually going to move, we really do need to get rid of most of our belongings. 

And I started with my clothes, because for as long as I can remember, that has been my weakness. I keep everything. I accumulate new things and don't even wear them. I leave piles of clothes on the floor for weeks. So I wanted to tackle this first. 

The top is the before and the bottom half is after. The mound of clothing was so high that I couldn't step over or around it. Now I have enough clothes to fit in hangers only. That's amazing considering before I was running out of floor space to store my piles of clothes that I didn't even wear!

By the end I had five large trash bags to donate to the Community Aid. 

It feels amazing and I can't wait to get rid of more things, as crazy as that sounds.

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Thursday, May 21, 2015


Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own little worlds that we forget the amazing wonders that are happening every second all over the globe. We forget the small things that make life beautiful, like the sound of the rain when it falls on the trees, or the way the stars rise the in darkness of the night, or how it feels to smile when you're purely happy. Sometimes we forget that there are millions of stories out there, each one unique and intriguing. We get lost in our own feelings and we forget that we have the ability to change those feelings in a second. We think that we have boring lives and we forget that atmosphere plays a huge part in how we feel about our lives.


I think sometimes we don’t think about these things because we feel that we can barely get ahold of our own lives, so why should we even add anything else to the list, right?


But sometimes it does your mind well to stop and remind yourself about these things. If we go thinking that we are trapped in our little worlds, we will be trapped. 


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Tuesday, May 19, 2015

When the Rain Comes

When it rains, sometimes I can't write. And I hate it. 

Rain is supposed to inspire the moody feelings to come out, but instead I seemed to be trapped inside my own mind. It's like I can't find the words to express what I feel.

Sometimes the voices of another world echo in my dreams, but I can't capture them on paper. It's terrible because they visit often when the rain comes.

Maybe I'm lazy, or maybe I'm selfish for keeping my thoughts to myself. But sometimes I can't help it. Especially when it rains.

Atmospheres are mostly what I experience in my mind. It's not just a scene or a smell or a thought; it's a myriad of memories falling together and combining into strong feelings of being somewhere that in reality I have never been. Sometimes it's crazy because I remember so many places that I've never visited.

Sometimes I wish I could be bold enough to actually visit these places. Of course, I'm not actually sure if they exist.

When I write these types of posts, my goal is to draw out my thoughts, and now that I read what I wrote, it doesn't make much sense I guess.

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