You realize that you're in your mid-twenties and you begin to think about how you're a quarter the way to a hundred years (and not many people live to that age!). Suddenly, you're unsure if you're doing well in your life. Yes, you've got a stable job (not in your college major, of course) paying about the middle class income. Yes, you have a car and student loans to still pay off. Perhaps you even have a long term relationship with someone.
But there's that internal conflict of the college days and being a "kid" and the reality that you've got bills to pay and being an adult is expensive. You don't want to think about what you're going to do when you retire. Hell, you don't even want to worry about what your parents are going to do when they retire. Some days all you want to do is live a simple life. You want to just be yourself and not have to worry about all of these problems which come with "adulthood."
And the pressure is real. You're stuck between the age of the digital world and the age where it was a miracle to have an Internet connection (especially when your mom needed to use the phone). You can't completely relate with the kids who are currently in highschool and starting college who grew up in the world where information and lives where so easily shared. At the same time, it seems unnatural to not be doing it, because it's just how you grew up in your late teens into your early twenties.
But it's almost like you have no privacy. Everyone wants to know what you're up to these days. They want updates on your career or your relationship status. Older people tell you you're young and you have freedom, yet you look at the kids in their late teens/early twenties and they seem to be more of the definition of freedom to you. The part that makes you hate it is the fact that most of the people who ask you these questions repeatedly probably don't really give a shit; they most likely just want to judge you, even if not intentionally.
But through it all, you're still planning big for the future because you still have that naïve yet ambitious kid inside you that protects the dreams that you still want to see happen.
And maybe that's all that matters, because if there's one thing you've learned by now, it's that nobody but you can make changes in your life. If you want something, you've got to make the change, no matter the consequences.
Labels: life, rant, thoughts, Twenties, writings