Being here always reminds me of several things. It reminds me to be aware of the people around me, because this is the place where we say final goodbyes as well as the place where we meet and begin a new life. Airports are the symbol of freedom, the freedom to escape, to wander, to discover new places in the world.
But the airport is also a reminder of the life I should be living. I'm a traveler at heart, and I never want to stay in one place. But I'm also 23 years old, late bloomer in my maturity level, and still confused as hell about who I am and where I'm going. I really only know for sure that I will keep writing. Everything else could change in a moments time, and being reminded of that sense of being out of control scares me.
It's that feeling of emptiness... The feeling of the unknown. You think things are going well until you're reminded of all you could be doing. You begin to compare your life with others, and instead of inspiring you, it brings you down. It creates a hunger for the life you want to live, but at the same time it creates a wall, a barrier, because you begin to believe you will never be able to change. Anyone who goes through this enough times will eventually accept their current situation as their eternal reality, and I'm scared it will happen to me as well.
You have to remind yourself daily that if you aren't where you want to be in life, this is only temporary. You can still change. You need to keep your mind open to visualization. Don't close all the doors and force yourself into a life of half assed attempts to distract yourself from the reality that you've created; accept the hurt you have, remind yourself you are still changing, and start again.
I say these things, but I know it is so hard for us adults to realize. We tend to believe that once we've settled down, this is the life we will have for the rest of our life. I'm only 23, but I know from being married, we've somewhat trapped ourselves in one geographical area, and for me as a wanderer, it takes a toll on my spirit. The security of where we are now is so comforting that I'm trapped between the lust and longing for adventure and the basic need of security. So many people do this to themselves. And it begins with avoiding the painful emotions we need in order to change and slipping into a silent death of the routine.
And so, the dream begins to die a slow and agonizing death, screaming to us without a voice, silently falling away from us, until upon our deathbed, we realize the regrets we have we can never undo.
So maybe sometimes it's good to feel uncomfortable about where you are in life. And it's moments like these when I sit in the terminal waiting for my brother that I am overcome with the echos of these feelings. And I remember that I need to push on and not fall under the sleep spell of a mediocre life. I, too, can go to the airport to get on a plane. And when that day comes, it will be the happiest feeling in the world.
Jacket - Calvin Klein
Scarf - Calvin Klein
Bag - Calvin Klein
Jeans - Forever21
Shoes - Forever21