Sometimes being human is something so confusing. We contradict ourselves, we do things when we know there are risks involved. We hurt even though we know it won't help us heal. When I was younger I had a perfect picture of how my adult life should be. But now I realize it's a lot harder to live the dream. Good things never come easy.
The system punishes you for being good. If you live the way you're "supposed" to, you are left without reward. I didn't realize it until now. It's so hard to not go into the wrong directions today.
What do I really want?
I want to travel. I want my husband to love his job. I want my brother to be able to afford school. I want my parents to live comfortable, stress-free lives. I want to learn something new everyday. I want to be appreciated by others. I want life to mean something!
Originally I decided to start writing again for other people. But I see now that I need to write; it's my therapy. It's the way I escape. It's the one thing that I can control in my life.
Yes, today was a terrible day. One of those days that makes you wonder why you're doing what you're doing anymore. Makes you wonder why you even try to be a good person. Makes you wonder if you could have had a different path.
They say if you're stressed, these circles will be spinning. The faster they spin, the more stressed out you are.
Well right now they're moving pretty fast. And the only way I know how to stop the stress is to write.
And I will always write.
Because I am a writer.