... I write five long paragraphs and Blogger deletes them. Wth. I was working on my story on my writing blog and went to change the song and Blogger deleted all of the work I did.
To be honest, I've been a bit depressed lately. I keep thinking of Thailand and how we promised to come back someday. I miss it as much as I miss the West, and that says a lot, because I lived in the West for seven years and I was only in Thailand for three months.
Maybe it's not just missing Thailand... I miss traveling and looking forward to things. Perhaps I've fallen in the winter depression. Whenever a sunny day appears, my mood seems to change drastically. My husband keeps saying I'm grumpy and sad lately. I don't know why, but under all of my everyday thoughts and moods, I think I'm secretly depressed. Bored, feeling trapped and needing to change my environment. I need something to happen.
It's really my own fault anyway. I've trapped myself in this horrible state that always has horrible weather. You might think that one can always make use of their environment, but weather really does make a difference in the way you look at your life. If everyday you wake up to the "refrigerator sky" (grey sky and cold), of course you're going to be less and less cheerful than the person who wakes up under clear sunny skies every morning.
I don't know what it is exactly. Is it growing up that sucks? Is it because I've gotten into a routine and its against my personality? Is it because I honestly feel like I have bad luck? Is it the weather? Is it genetic (I know it runs in my dads side of the family)? Maybe I've just become a bitter person who hates everyone and everything.
All I know is.... I hope it passes and I find myself again. The girl who finds the light in every dark situation.
Labels: adulthood, depressed, Depression, growing up