Many people frequently ask me when I will have children. I hate it because I know deep in my heart that at this moment in my life I could never give my child what he or she deserves.
They say the first child is an experiment because the new parents are scrambling to figure out how to care for the little human being. I think my parents did s great job with me, despite that I was their first child, unplanned at that. In fact, I am constantly reminded in my adult life of how they cared, loved, and prepared me.
They always encouraged me to find my own path. They were never impatient when I made mistakes. And most of all, they understood that the reason I was a quiet child had nothing to do with something being wrong with me, as my teachers insisted; I was simply listening and thinking and expressing myself through other mediums rather than my physical voice.
When I think about all they have done for me, I wonder if I'm selfless enough to do the same. Am I experienced enough to understand what my child will want? Am I loving enough to support the child in every way? I honestly do not think I deserve to be a parent at this stage in my life. I am not mentally, emotionally or financially ready to have children.
Because I love my unborn child, I am waiting. Waiting until I find myself. Until I can become the mother that will be selfless enough, caring and able to endure.
So please stop asking me if I'm going to have children anytime soon. I am still a child myself.
Labels: baby, children, parent, parenthood, parents, thoughts, young