Today my younger brother asked me to read his blog post, which you should also read:
I have to say, I could feel the emotion in his words, and I could tell it was feelings and thoughts that had been saved for the moment he returned to Colorado.
I agree with everything he talks about in his post. Yet, it scares me to read. I was older during the time we lived in Colorado. I am sure I could remember more than he could.
But when I racket my brain to find those memories, I feel like they are so embedded in me, the person I've become, and my way of thinking, that it's been blended away. The surroundings I currently inhabit are stronger than my memory. For ten years I've been away from Colorado. I know that the second I am there, everything would come back, flooding my emotions and thoughts. But the thought is always scary to think if I were to forget the specifics of my childhood in Colorado.
I know I'm not meant to stay where I am now. Colorado ruined it for me. After living in one of the most beautiful places in the world, I couldn't allow myself to settle for less. My brother was smart. He got out when he still had the chance. It's a hell of a lot harder for me to leave now.
It was a time when life was in full color. I think one of the reasons I was so disconnected with other people as a child was because I was observing the world in its fullest colors. Unbiased by others opinions, untainted by the pressures of growing up, my childhood was spent carefree in the open meadows, mountains, and alluring forests of the West.
When we moved, I lost that world. I forced myself inward. The material I had been soaking up came out in my creativity. And I believe this is where my love for expressing myself through writing began.
I will never regret moving because it forced me to begin my journey of how to connect with other human beings. I am much more confident in my ability to relate to other people because of all of the experiences that I have gained. And through it all, my heart has always remained in the West. One day I'll meet the other half and pull the pieces together.
Labels: colorado, colorado springs, southwest, thoughts, west