One of the biggest challenges for me growing up was expressing my true feelings through spoken words. I am not sure if it was because I was shy, or if I really had nothing to say since I was always listening, but I do know that others were not always okay with my silence.
When I was in grade school, other students would try to make me talk more, and always asked why I was so quiet, to which I would reply with a small shrug. Some people found me to be aloof, rude even. But honestly, I had so much going on in my head, there weren't words to express myself. Here is what I felt like at school for the first 8 years of schooling:
Out of place, my head was always in the clouds, off in my own world. Memories blurring with my imagination, I sometimes didn't want to say what's on my mind, for the fear of losing my own world. The only person I told was my younger brother.
Even though I believe I was lost in my head more than others would normally be, I will say that I believe everyone was the capacity for the depth of losing themselves in their imaginations. And I think that even people who think they are "normal" and "boring" also have the ability to experience the same feelings. I just think that it is people like myself and other writers, artists, musicians, chefs, and all who create who give them the experience rather than them finding it themselves. We guide them.
The problem is finding our voice. I understand because I know sometimes it's hard to describe, to want to share, to get over the fear of being criticized.
Labels: feelings, introvert, philosophy, quiet, shy, stuck in my head, thoughts