n i c o c . o

* n i c o c . o: September 2014

Monday, September 29, 2014

The Key to a Happy Life

While there are many factors in living a happy life, I've found that one thing pretty much sums it all up in all relationships: staying weird.

Weirdness in this sense means to poke fun and be strange with one another. Don't let life become too serious no matter what you are going through. Always find the small things that will make you laugh.

People are always amazed when they know how well my brother and sister get along with me. Also when they find out my parents have been married for 26 years. Again when they know that all three children have an overall positive relationship with the parents. And lastly, when people know how well my husband's personality fits into my family.

There is no secret. It's just to be weird. I knew when I was marrying my husband that his certain type of weirdness would fit in with my family pretty well. It's so hard to describe, but it's vital that you share public awkward moments together, make fun of each other, and never forget to be weird. Acting normal is the first step in the road to destruction in your family, marriage, and friendships.

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Sunday, September 28, 2014

Street Walking

I'm not very good at taking ootd photos, but since I would like to post more of my outfits, I had my sister take the pictures. She's interested in photography, and you'll see, she's also good at it!

Today the outfit is pretty thrifty: 

Top: Forever 21
Bottoms: Forever 21
Shoes: Easy Spirit
Bag: Calvin Klein
Sunnies: Guess

The pants are very comfortable, almost comfortable to be sleeping pants. As long as it is worn with a dressier top and shoes, it won't look like just walked out of bed.

I know it's no longer summer, but this is a bit summery, isn't it?

This is my favorite bag at the moment! It has so much room, and a lot of pockets, making it perfect for work.

Speaking of work, this is also an outfit that would be ok for the office, which is a plus since in there most of the time.

My sister found this interesting biker art piece and insisted that I pose with it. I think the yellow really stands out! I love the result.

I've been stuck on red nails for the time being, mostly because I think it fits my skin tone the best.

And lastly, my hair is so long now that I can almost sit on it! Thanks to the protein shake I've been drinking for the last few months, I have really healthy hair.

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Thursday, September 25, 2014


I started this blog to give information and share my passions, but I am starting to think this blog is therapy for myself. I can only vent here. Today is another rant, another post pouring out my heart.

Every time I think it's getting better, that thing is taken from me. I know why; it's because I'm lazy. Deprived of comfort. Once you know the reality of being a an adult, but have a mind stuck in high school, it becomes difficult to manage. 

I have become the very thing I fear. I have made my life more risky than I ever could have imagined. The other day my brother mentioned about how sometimes he gets a feeling about the pressures of life being so overwhelming that he loses himself in the thought of giving up and finds peace. I didn't understand what he meant until now.

I don't know when it got so bad, or how it did, but I know one thing: fear shuts me down. And that is the very reason I've attracted my fears into my life. Sometimes I wonder how bad it will have to be to wake me up.

I have the tendency to just escape whatever I am afraid of, and that's because I am a coward. I know I can do better. I am weak, but I am persistent. 

I can only pray now that God gives me the strength to carry through.

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Wednesday, September 24, 2014


What makes you feel alive? Raw human, emotion driven, primal, yet controlled by the depths of the mind. It's different for everyone.

Sometimes it's a sensation, feeling or action. Drinking an ice cold drink in the summer heat, feeling the crisp air caress your cheek as you step outside on a chilly morning.

Music also seems to bring people to life. Certain chords, sounds of different instruments trigger memories of times where they felt alive, or sometimes just a scene that they have never actually experienced, but can see so clearly.

For some, it's the feeling of fear that wakes them. Free falling, driving fast, standing close to the edge of a high ledge and looking down, wondering but never actually jumping.

Meditation and prayer can also make some come to the state of feeling true. Being silent and listening to the world around or to the God above can sometimes provide the human feeling of being truly alive. 

Whatever it may be, it's important to come back to this feeling once and a while. It's easy to forget yourself in the daily routine, forget why you are living, forget what the point of your life may be. It is depressing to live without purpose, and there is always your answer within your own mind. It's usually buried beneath life's mundane tasks, brought out in the struggles, and tucked away again when you feel content. 

That's why it's important to understand that you always need to remind yourself... 

For your own sanity.

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Tuesday, September 23, 2014


I hate autumn.

It's a beautiful season for earthy colors, but honestly it just reminds me that I'm dying, everything is dying, and that there is and end to everything. Likewise, I also absolutely hate winter. Being cold all the time is just not appealing to me. I hate layering, less clothes is always better. I'd rather wear a dress with flats than a jacket with jeans and boots any day,

It's also quite depressing to go to work in the dark and come home at dark. I know that's my own fault for having a 9-5 job, but really, at least in the summer I could play for another 5 hours after work. 

When I came into work this morning, I saw this at the lost and found table and all I could do was nod in agreement. 

Maybe I am afraid of the end and goodbyes, and I know for sure that once New Year's Eve comes around, I'm just going to wonder where 2014 went and how time managed to slip from my fingertips so quickly.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Sixth Generation

I bought an iPhone 6 today.

I got the smaller gold and white colored one. I actually think the smaller version is already too big. I can't imagine having the plus size. I can barely hold this in in my hand. Perhaps I have small hands.

Originally I had ordered the case and screen protector through eBay because it's much cheaper than buying from the store. Of course, I still ended up buying the phone before the accessories arrived. So now I somehow need to figure out if to completely clean the screen and not drop it before the screen protector and case get here.

When I turned in my iPhone 5c it was a little bittersweet, as it was the first smartphone I have ever owned. I do have to admit this phone is pretty good. The screen is really clear, the design is seamless and the updates in iOS 8 are pretty good as well. The one thing I'm having trouble with other than the size of the phone is for some reason I'm having problems sending pictures to android phones. Apparently it's an iOS problem that is being worked on.

One of the main reasons I upgraded was for the camera. It will help this blog to have better pictures. I will do a test run of this as soon as I get my phone case.


Thursday, September 18, 2014

Food for Thought

It's amazing what food can do to you. It inspires, nourishes, brings life and happiness to all who cook it and eat it. I never realized how much it would affect different aspects of my life.

I'm not stupid; I know that not eating is bad for health. But for the past week and a half, I lost my appetite completely for no apparent reason. Instead of forcing myself to eat, I decided to see what would happen.

Food doesn't just control your weight and physical health; it keeps you sane. Increasingly throughout the last few days I've become almost a different person. I feel constantly tired, but unable to sleep. Nervous about nothing and having weird random adrenaline rushes. It made me depressed...dark.... Angry.... Giddy....crazy. 

Tonight I finally forced myself to eat an entire meal and I magically could think straight again. It's insane that I spent the last week trying to figure out what's wrong with my brain, and it turns out it's due to food. I know it seems like common sense, but it's definitely an eye opener if you try it yourself. It's scary. You become a different person.

Eat. Eat for sanity.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Finding Myself

Sometimes I feel as if Ive lost my mind. Especially when I've read too much. Ever since I discovered I could read from my phone, I've been reading non-stop. It's becoming hard to organize my thoughts, actually. 

I feel kind of crazy. Sort of like I'm being possessed or something, in the least scary kind of way. I can't distinguish my own opinions from characters opinions. I probably need to clear my head. Take a vacation. Just me and my husband. 

It's always been like this for me. That's why when I decided at age 18 that it's time to stop living in my head and actually do things and interact with real people, I pretty much stopped reading. In order to be able to see who I really was, I stopped pretending I was someone else. It figures that at the time I was insecure because I never actually knew who I was.

Now that I'm older, I still have my days, like today, but I know for sure that I definitely know myself more. I know I'm not meant to play by the rules. The rules are what everyone wants you up believe, and if you can't see outside the box, you most likely won't advance.

I have another post I want to write but it's a risky one, so I have to figure out a way to write it without revealing specifics of the situation. We will see.

Saturday, September 13, 2014


I have another blog, just for creative writing... Recently I wanted to try some of the writing exercises from Divergent author, Veronica Roth. One of them was called "word vomit," and I did the exercise here:


One reason why I didn't post it here is because it's creative writing related, and I already have a blog for that. But the main reason I didn't post it here is because the story I "word vomited" turned out a little....adult?

Anyhow, you can read it there, but at your own risk. The main challenge was to post the first draft and then the edited version below it. I can't tell you how much it bothers me to leave the unedited version in the post, but that's part of how it works.

Thursday, September 11, 2014


Sometimes, my husband will really get into a video game and become completely consumed: sitting there for hours, not getting up other than to eat. I will shake my head at that sight, but today I realized something....

I am the same way with a good book.

I will stop at nothing to finish a good book. I won't eat, I won't sleep, and every waking moment, including using toilet, I'll be reading the damn book until I finish it. I read the 5th Harry Potter book in 7 hours, to give you an idea.

I don't know about others, but anything that my mind can run with, I can create a vivid image. When its a book, I can get inside the characters head, I can empathize their feelings, I can feel their emotion, pain, and aura. Its a bit weird actually, but temporarily during the time of reading or watching something that really grabs me, I become the character. In reality, I begin to pick up their mannerisms, thought patterns, wants and aura. Most of the time, the thing I'm reading or watching can dictate how I act towards other people, or what I think of myself.

Recently (meaning like since yesterday afternoon), I've been reading the Divergent triology. Yes, I know I am late. And to make it worse, I watched the movie before the book (gasp!). I thought I might be too old for the story, but as it turns out, I love it. I can identify with the main character Tris so much. She's everything I wish I could be with all of the insecurities I had as a teenager and some that I still have now. It's funny because in one of the interviews for the movie cast, the interviewer said the story was very relatable for teens who are going through the indentity crisis stage. Honestly I think I'm still going through it at age 23! I was always a late bloomer in terms of naivety and maturity, though.

If you've read the books or watched the movie, you will know one of the main themes is courage and bravery. This is something I admire so much and wish I had in myself. To a certain extent, I think living in fear is such a waste. I wish I had the guts to free fall from a seven story building. I feel like it would make my true self awaken once I know I have faced my fears.

At the same time I was reading the books, I found a new D&B song that I love so much because it fits so well with the concept of the book! Plus, it's just an awesome song.

The lyrics of the song:

Our hearts tend to wander
Intentions straying

Your mind isolated
Will sweep you away
Set yourself free!

We're all alone

Cause there's no one else
Listen to yourself
And freefall

Sometimes the way to set yourself free is to let go and not be afraid of feeling out of control. 

Which I do a lot. I hate feeling out of control. And I also often don't trust myself or my instinct, which I think is another big part of letting go.

Being brave enough to do this in real life is really hard. I can sit here and write about it all I want, but let's see if I can do it in real life.

Could I really freefall if I knew I wouldn't get hurt?

I don't know. But I would love to try and see what happens when the situation comes.

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Sunday, September 7, 2014

Flying Away

When it comes to music, I like a little bit of everything depending on my mood. I like pop, including American mainstream, Kpop, Jpop, Thai pop, and pretty much any country's pop. I like rock, including alternative, soft rock, and all different kinds of metal. I also enjoy all types of rap music, jazz, classical, and acoustic. I have to admit my tastes do lean towards the electronic music. I highly enjoy EDM, big house, trap, dubstep (including liquid), trance, progressive, chillstep, house, and most of all.... drum and bass.

Most people don't know what I'm talking about when I talk music with them. I guess its not popular enough to be generally recognized yet. I'm seriously not just being hipster about it - D&B is really the music that I feel touches me the most.

People who are not familiar and hear samples of D&B for the first time usually ask me what I like about it and if I get bored of the same beat in every song. The truth is that the beat is what makes it D&B so I guess the beat is the very feature that attracts me to this music. Of course I love it also when there are fusions of D&B, but I also just love the freedom of the drum and bass sound.

I guess I'm a girl who likes to ecsape, whether it be from my own current problems, or just the real world and all its people, and when I listen to D&B, the beat carries me through the sky, as fast as flying. I can always feel an uplifting mood, elevated past the clouds in a summer evening, when the sun is fading into the night. I feel free. Its a type of freedom that can't be expressed by any other genre. It brings the creativity out of me, comforts me, pushes me to do better, and most of all, allows me to escape from this world and allows me to be purely myself with no one to judge me.

It might sound ridiculous for someone who either has never heard D&B or for someone who doesn't like this genre, but I'm almost sure that anyone who enjoys the music can relate.

I like the genre as a whole, including jungle and liquid. Some of my current favorite D&B artists are Matrix and Futurebound, Pendulum, Maduk, and pretty much all of the artists on the Viper CDs or the Liquicity mixes. In fact, as I write this, I'm listening to Free all by Metrik, an artist who is on the 2013 Viper CD.

Although this was mostly about D&B, another one of my all time favorite Electronic artists is Denis Kenzo. He does mostly uplifting progressive, and the weird part is that I havenot been able to find anyone else who does his style of music. If a remix of a song was remixed by Denis Kenzo, it is easy to tell right away. Sadly, many of his remixes are better than the original (IMO). His music also reminds me of the sky, but more of a slower appreciation of the sunset rather than flying away. I don't know how describe it in any other way.

No music, no life. Set yourself free . . .

Rainy Night

Sometimes even when the weather is terrible, it's worth it to still go along with your plans. 

Escaping to a little European café in a small town is exactly what I would expect to do on a rainy Saturday night.  I actually came here for the macarons, but of course they were sold out for the day...

Instead, a honey and butter crepe was a good replacement. This cafe is literally the only cafe that makes real European desserts.

Its amazing how the rain can change your whole mood and sometimes can dictate the feelings you associate with those memories. It brings a bittersweet feeling of sadness yet hope. 

Just as the rain can change the mood, so can the bright lights in the night. This is the outdoor café after the storm. 

Although we have been here many times, we came back to explore, and discovered new things. It's always like that. You find little treasures when your sole purpose is to explore.

The falling leaves reminded me that autumn will arrive soon. Right now we are in the transition between summer and autumn, and the weather has been constantly confusing. One day it's cold and rainy, another it's hot, humid and sunny.

We actually ended up in another cafe later on due to needing a bathroom. This is the upstairs of the cafe, which was terribly hot.

Ending this with the #ootd. (^O^)/

Friday, September 5, 2014

Ponders on Character

I often wonder what it means to be happy. I know for myself it is a certain definition, as most opinion based things are. For some, it's being content and staying in a quiet and peaceful community. For others, it's being out with people and having many new experiences with them. And for people like myself, it's exploring the world in peace, not isolated, but not too involved with others either. 

As is the definition of beauty. It can mean so many things. What really goes into the beauty of someone or something is it's aura. People will remember how you made them feel. Therefore, the aura is the most important part. 

And of course, another trait that is hard to understand is fear. I watched Divergent last night, and I love something that Four says right before he trains Tris on the final test: fear brings most people down, but it brings you up. ...... Or something along those lines. I think there are people who are motivated in a good way by fear to better themselves. That's how true entrepreneurs are made. Then for others, fear can shut them down. They want to run and escape the pain.

Overall, your character will determine things such as these. And character issomething  that you can sometimes mold to you liking, and other times it can be very difficult to change. Sometimes you have to focus on your strengths to pull the weight of your weaknesses.

I saw a great quote on IG today:


Thursday, September 4, 2014

New Things

It was the first time in almost two years since I ran outside of the gym. It felt good, but so different than running in the elliptical. It felt good, and I felt like I was using completely different muscles.

I've heard that running is one of the keys to toning and becoming thinner. I used to think it would make my legs bigger, but the girls I follow on blogs and IG have results that show otherwise.

Yes, I know running is best done at dawn or daytime rather than at dusk, but the whole day was too busy. :/

I never thought I was strong or brave, but looking back on my earlier years, I'm much stronger and braver than I was a few years ago. I used to be scared to talk in front of people I didn't know too well, even in informal situations, but I'm much better with it now. I used to be scared to try new things, and now I'm usually asking for them. And also, I used to not know how tge world works, and now I know how to take care and better myself. 

I'm going to do my best to always try new things. 

Speaking of new things, I have my travel agent license now:

Last name blocked for obvious reasons. 

If you ever need top of the line cheap travel, let me know!

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

How to Waste Your Day

I feel so useless when I'm tired. Its like I know all of the things that I need to do but I can't bring myself to get out of the bed or couch. Partially due to last nights lack of sleep, I seem to have lost all motivation.

Here's my advice on not what to do for a productive day:

1. Get four hours of sleep.

2. Wake up earlier than usual, which makes your stomach nauseated.

3. Chug a ginger ale that is actual not make of ginger at all (just high fructose corn syrup) and scarf down an enriched four bagel.

4. Still feel nauseated, so skip lunch.

5. Eat just one handful of berries in place of lunch.

6. Buy chips instead of eating the food you packed.

7. Drink two glasses of wine as soon as you get home, and since you didn't eat much, stay drunk until 8 pm.

And this above is how you waste your day.


I promise I'll do better tomorrow. I better go pack my lunch now.

Monday, September 1, 2014

I'm Supposed to be Sleeping

Here is a great example of my delayed sleep phase issue. I don't have melatonin supplements right now (need to buy it!) so instead of sleeping, I'm having deep serious ponders of life. When I need to wake up at 6. It's past midnight!

It's going to be great tomorrow. /end sarcasm.

What am I thinking about? I'm realizing that I'm very much an introvert and live half of my life inside my own world in my mind and I'm wondering how I can start to relate that to other people. How can I find a way to reach others when I'm so lost inside myself? 

I think writing on this blog might be a good start. And since I'm productive and wide awake at the moment, I may as well be writing about it.

Good night~ 

Yes, no make up. Ugh. I need to sleep. I'm seriously contemplating downing a glass of wine right now. -_-;

Armstrong Vineyard

During this holiday, we decided to visit Armstrong Winery and Vineyard. It's a peaceful vineyard out in Halifax, PA.

The selections of wines were actually pretty broad compared to some of the other vineyards we have been to, so it was hard to choose only 5 samples for the tasting.

One of the specialties of Armstrong is their many different fruit wines, including strawberry, blackberry (which I tried, and it was very strong of the berry taste), apple, peach, cherry, and plum.

The one I tried here was the plum wine, which was very sour and tart. I think I'll pass.

All of the other wines I tried I really enjoyed. We ended up buying the Traminette semi-sweet wine. It has a base of lavender.

The property is quite big for a Pennsylvanian vineyard. We have been to a few others and this one was a good size.

They have many open areas for guests events, including weddings, live music, festivals, and other parties.

Built in 1769, the property has also a few guest houses that we were permitted to tour.

The wedding reception hall.

And of course, the actual vineyard right in the middle of the property. The weather was a bit humid today, but otherwise nice and sunny.

More outside sitting areas for guests to enjoy the vineyard and possible live music.

Right outside the Armstrong family's personal house, they had a huge garden.

Another building we were allowed in was the Summer Kitchen, which was the first building build on the property in the 1700's and the Armstrong family's first home.

They even had the original steel stove that they used.

Have to fit in my #ootd. :)

We toured back into the garden....

...All the way back to the main building where the wines are fermented.

Another unique feature of this vineyard is the amount of cats they own. They own and take care of 30 cats, who all roam freely around the property.

We fed one of the horses as well.

Another kitteh!

She was mad when we stopped giving her food. :(

This one cat kept following us around after we petted her.

Here she comes!

Close up of the grape vines.

And the same cat following us!

One last walk through the garden....

Make of the day! Selca time....

And lastly, a close up of the Traminette wine we purchased.

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